tellmiurmeaningoflife

nobodys child

I go thru this vicious cycle.
Of feeling abandon.
Of feeling unwanted.
Of feeling that im totally a mistake to be in this world.

Once i got home.
I was welcomed by a ill stricken super black face.
According to aunt. My attitude to grandma is atrocious.
She complimented me on how great was i being able to turn someone whom cared for me so much to someone who is nonchalant to me.
Somehow i struck me that i argued back. Aint she any better from me? Shouting at grandma on n off jus becoz ah ma is questioning her regarding the drama details.
Is she helping the housework at all? NO
She washing her own clothes? NO
I get scolded because i wash my clothes n dun hang them according to their standards.
Because i didnt help to change the turtle water. it WEE QIU YAN CHRISSY DEBBIE AKA PLS DIE SOON fault.
Come on. this 4 room flat has 4 human being.
Why only 1 is being reprimanded to contribute nothing to the household?

Simply because im not their child.
Because my mother is a cheap.
Because my dad is a horny bastard.
Because my just a stubborn fetus that couldnt be aborted in time.

My aunt commented that she will treat mi as a tenant.
Asked me to behave like a tenant.
Respect the owner's mother.
She also added that even if my grandma pass away she wont contact mi.
How sweet of her.
Now tell me how can i not think of shifting out. When i've always stayed in a rented place.

Humans live for their love ones.
People hang on to their lifes because they got loved ones dey dun wish to live behind.
I feeling like such a nag.
Always wanting to end this fucking pathetic life of mine.
I wont say this im dying shit anymore.
i make sure i do it once n for all.
DUN BE SUCH A CHICKEN!
I wan a family whom i know i wont be chased out of anytime.
Not one that i feel zero security.
God. grant me this wish.

posted by five4fighting @ 5:53 PM