life here...
So...
I hope u guys out there are still looking out for this space
And wondering if I'm fine wondering if I'm coping well here...
So here's some update.
Touch down safely in manila..via a airplane so small but served a decent meal on board.
Next headed to mac to grab some food and excited to see how home is like.
Sadly, instead of being welcomed by those whom were on earlier flights, I opened a door with no one to say hi to.
Marie was out. The rest were sleeping.
Never mind bout tat.
Next day was shopping tour.
Felt more like a tourist than here for training.
So many things to buy..headed to a place like aircon chatuchat.
Shoikness.
Imagine air jordan or lebron shoes at 30sgd.haha its fake of course.
Went to a seaside place for dinner and here comes the alcohol.
San miguel beer are like 1 dollar per bottle.
Headed home and set up our make shift mahjong table.
Played a torturing pok n sleep.
Woke up at 0630 for a orientation with the training centre.
Headed out again to buy stuff and go sing!
Drink again.
Now... Next day was out to buy bloster..
Now sleeping is shoikness.
After balling together..
Was party time.
5 bottles of drinks.
Super she
But still manage to walk out head back without exhibiting our local trademark.
Merlin.
Sadly I drop my keys and cash.
Had the locksmith to come in.
Sad.not because of the cash or keys.
Just the feeling of losing something is sadness.
I guess today we will be going to theme park..
Hope its good.
But perhaps I will stay in my room and vegetate.
Some useful fact here..
Sunrise is about 0530
Phlippinos seldom have vege on their menu.
Their fried chicken is always so salty it taste like har chiong kai ..
I miss all of u
I'm worried for ah ma
Kinda dun dare to call back...
FRIEND
FRIEND...
U come n go..
Sad but true.
We are just friends.
*thanks fred for the wonderful dinner!
before i fly
Today was day 1 of work. And its rather s long day.
Had this company induction thingy. Mission vision safety issues.
Also confirmed roomies. Sad to say I'm like youngest and ther rest are like 10-20 yes my senior.
Headed to bp plaza alone all thanks to ah bao.
Agreed to go lookout for lappy with me and tell me he wanna ball.
What a man of words he is.
Homed.
Ah ma got like choked on medication .
Had a short episode of breathing difficulties.
Good thing I managed to handle and clear things up.
I no longer dare bring up the topic of leaving to her.
Call me a coward. Its fine.
Aunt is going a little haywire.
Shouting at the finest available opportunity.
Exhibiting her fantastic instant change of emotions.
Never have I ever felt so messed up really.
Excitement.fear.lost.sadness.uncertainty.anxiety. All in me at once.
Dear god. Bring me home.
i miss u
i suddenly miss my grandma whom use to nag at me.
my grandma whom take care of me when im back drunk.
my grandma whom ask if i won a bball match.
my grandma whom buy me my breakfast.
my grandma whom make me a cup of tea every morning before i go work.
my grandma whom ask me if i brought my ezlink card out.
my grandma whom ask me if i had brought my jacket along on rainy days.
my grandma whom closes my window when it rains at night.
my grandma whom comes to school when i call her telling her i missed out my worksheets.
i miss her really.
now,
its an empty shell eating itself up from inside.
close ur eyes. rest ur mind. ah gong will fetch u.
bring u to a place. less pain. less worries.
where u can finally rest n say.. ahh... wat a wonderful life i have.
i will always remember u that tat soul whom unconditionally shower me with ur kind of love.
When u would bring me to eat mac every weekend morning. we'll share a hot cake meal.
Bring me swim. Always checking on me.
Then, u were almost 70. Never did u complain tired. Never did u said i was a burden.
I will remembr u always for showcasing ur shaolin trained skills.
Welcoming me home by hitting me with ur mob rods. When i sneak out to play when i was young.
I am really sorry i choose to leave for work.
My heart freeze when u stare so slient into me when i tell u im leaving next week.
I wish to seek ur forgivness....will you?
Jus back from ball. Jus realized jinghang n ronglie actually reads my blog too.
Feels good eh
Tot this space is jus for me to read n sulk on my pathetic life
Indulge in self pity.
7 days to work
HI all... i've got so much to rank about now.
its been 2 weeks since she is home.
Her condition has been deotoriating at a amazing rate.
She is on morphine already
Now feeding her is quite a challendge.
She asleep instantaneously... even we call out to her.. she will be like semi concious.
barely swollowing.. chew a bit den sleep.
Pills now needs to be smash into powder form.
Cant sit up without aid.. even on the wheel chair she leans totally to a side...
Used to be we need to assist her stand up n walk few steps.
not we r like practiacally carrying her. no strenght to move or even help us a little at all.
10 more days till i depart.
Frankly.. i cant wait to leave.
To run from this heavy shoulder full of accountability n responsibility.
Yet i m so so sure. she is not going to make it .
The day when i drag my laugguage out
As for bao..
I believe he'll be fine moreover he is getting his internet connection done up.
So no worries.
Perhaps 3 months later he is a papa bao already hahaha.
FRIDAY
was at o bar.
benson. ken. was suppose to turn up but didnt in the end.due to some reasons or another.
BUt nonetheless... friday was great la.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAMELA N JOYCE
Both walk into the club but dragged out ..
heehee
First time see mr lee chin leong stay at o bar till lights on.
he also another seh ka.
STILL DARE CALL ME NEXT MORNING TELL ME I PANG SEH HIM YTD NIGHT.
i tried so hard asking him to move his ass out of the club.
he jus keep waving the rough fat hands to me. saying gimme awhile more. bu yao fan wo.
GIVE UP.
All i know is my head was super feather lite tat night too..
I dunno how but i did manage to end up at nana for awhile
den my head was too heavy n was tired jus walk out the club n flag a cab back.
HOMED to HUG my LOVER... DUSTBIN.
SAT
Woke up went for a course for caregivers
i learnt more on the mental part rather than the hard skills as in how to move her n all.
i realise no matter how much u say u r prepared for her departure
U will never be prepared
Jus treasure the time u have now becuz its special to u n u wont get it back anymore.
FRiends always tell me debbie gotta be prepare she is suffering here too.
BUt how simple can tat be?
Anyway after the course came home bao kent adeline pam came up for curry chicken by my mother n mahjonged.
SUNDAY
went in JB bought 2 pairs of shoes
HAPPY
n i tell u!
got mmore more more things to bu
